Adam came out to us, shame was a big word in our lives. I was
afraid that people would overlook Adam's wonderful qualities and
focus on just one aspect of him ---- his sexual orientation. Will
they forget he is an honor student? Will they forget his gentle
nature? His compassionate heart? His talent in the yearbook at
school? Will they forget the glowing compliments about his performance
at the school Variety Show? His laughter, and his infectious smile?
Will all that be replaced with scorn for being gay?
I also feared how I would be thought of as his mother. Will they
gossip on how I "coddled" him too much? Will they say his dad
did not give him any attention? Of course my mind raced with the
thoughts that maybe they were right. Did I coddle him too
much? Did his dad not give him enough attention? Was that
where we went wrong? We worked this over in our minds - over and
over. What did we do wrong?
We have always been attentive parents for both of our boys. Even
as a working mom I made time to be a room mother at their schools.
Jeff and I both went on their field trips. We never missed any
activity our children were in at school or elsewhere. We cherish
our children. Our lives surround their activities.
I spent many hours thinking about us as a family. Wrestling with
ways we could have been better parents. Those were very painful
After much agonizing self-reflection, I got mad at myself. Why
was I questioning my parenting or our times together as a family?
I would not change anything about our family life. We had so many
wonderful times together. I have always been the "Kodak Mom".
Our photo albums are full of those times that only bring smiles
to our faces. There is no shame in those pictures. I am sure you
too can look back with smiles in remembering those special times
in the life of your child. I came to the conclusion that I would
not change anything about how we raised our children.