comfort - you are only lost for a little while. There is a light
at the end of this long, lonely path.
I do understand needing to talk with someone. It is human nature
to seek comfort from your hurt and fears. I strongly recommend
being careful in whom you confide. I found that most people just
don't know what to say or how to comfort you. I was looking for
someone to say "Patti; everything will be just fine" but they
couldn't because they were still in shock over that "gay" word.
They did not know how to respond. I then found myself deeper into
I remember one person I called that was a friend from many years
ago that moved away but we stayed in touch occasionally. I always
considered her a very open person. I needed to talk with someone
who could keep my secret. I was not ready to share the turmoil
my family was in at that time with just anyone. I needed someone
to comfort me. I was in a fragile state. So, I called her and
cried my heart out. Her response was " Oh, I guess we will have
to quit making jokes about gays now that we know one". I wanted
to evaporate. I know she did not mean to be hurtful to me. She
just did not know what to say.
If you know anyone that has gone through this, call them. Share
your feelings. They will be a great source of comfort to you.
Many times that is hard to do. We are so private about this subject.
It is our sincere desire to help you so we have included our email
address. We will keep your secret. We understand the importance.
Until you are ready to speak openly, we will be your refuge. This
just takes time and love.
One of the ways we began healing was contacting a PFLAG group
(Parents, Friends & Family of Lesbian and Gays) in our city. It
took us a while to get comfortable to visit one of the meetings.
I wish we had gone sooner because it was a time of healing for
us. We were able to cry, talk and visit with other parents who
have been there and survived. We also met gay and lesbian people.
That was so comforting to be with them, to see that they are just
normal people. The web site for PFLAG is www.pflag.org.
I remember the first time I got the courage to call. The PFLAG
person answering the phone assured me that we were having a private
conversation. She had been where we are now. I cried on the telephone
just knowing that I was no longer alone, that someone out there
knew what I was feeling.
I hung up the telephone, feeling a little more at peace, a little
less alone and filled with hope. It then occurred to me that Adam
had been searching for that same connection. For the first time,
I understood what Adam had gone through in high school. He was
totally alone, confused, fearful and ashamed. I did not want that
for Adam. I did not want that for myself. I do not want that for